Category: Pages from my life

A cup of emotions

Early mornings of board exam prep when mum would wake me up at 3 am leaving me with a steaming cup of tea beside.

No matter the stress I would enjoy that cup watching the moon outside my tiny window bit by bit bidding goodbye.

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forward to Hostel days when the mess would serve tea in steel mugs at sharp 5 pm and I would wake my girls from their siesta even the ones who dont drink tea so I could get their extra cup . Together we would hurry along with a parle g packet,

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Cut to now , My tea and I stand beside the window overlooking the horizon where the beach and the cityscape compete for the sky. The mind multi thinking over a hundred things simultaneously, yet when the cup hits my lip all the noises go mute..

One cup of innumerable memories. Tea is definitely an emotion.

Colors of Patriotism

If there’s any place apart from a cricket stadium that gets your patriotism pumping , it’s the retreat ceremony at wagah border .

Approximately 45 mins from Amritsar we reached just in time to find decent seats. with the grand stand construction on at the time the general area appeared more chaotic than usual.

Soon the MC had us chanting ‘bharat mata ki jai’ with all our hearts ,using every bit of our vocal cord capacity ,each time emphasizing “humari awaz border ke us par tak pohanchni chahiye “

To my surprise he picks up a handful of women who volunteer to dance together and run around waving the indian flag.

This particular woman in saree with her face half clad running uninhibited with the flag will always be the picture that paints my mind when I think of my country and its people. A country of 1 billion with diversity in every aspect and yet united by the many colors of patriotism that we may believe in.

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Dance with me

“Have you found your rhythm yet? ” she was often times asked.

And her reply would always be the same, “I wait for it to find me.”

Somedays within the beats of the ocean waves, the bustling symphony of the city life,
or the silent choir of the mountains,
and on other days within a loved ones laughter.
She waits for that right rhythm to tune her life to;
until then,
she dances to each of them all.

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©Toothfairy,2019

Letter to Heaven

To ,

The Mother in law I haven’t known.

I have heard so much about you, its almost as if I know you.

Every girl I met , amongst family and friends , tell me I would have been the luckiest “daughter” not daughter in law if you were still with us.

And I do not doubt that at all. As I see the way their face lits up when they talk about you.

I never thought its possible to miss someone you never met , but I know better now. I miss you each time I’m home going through your pictures, your books, watering your plants or rummaging through things you may have touched. I miss you at every family event when I feel lost stranded in a corner amongst a sea of people, but most of all I miss you when I look at dad in law. His eternal love for you with the pain of your parting , still fresh in his eyes.

And when my friends narrate to me their shopping sprees and activities with their mom in laws , I boast about him instead.

His stories while at sea , his ideologies , how he gives me a take home message each visit . I’m always learning something new around him. How I love to cook for him, forcing him to eat and annoying him with my constant blabber.

I am so proud to have the coolest father in law in my circles.

If you were here I would have told you , you have such loving sons…but I guess you knew that all along. I couldn’t thank you enough for having raised a strong fine man whom I took as my husband . You must be so proud as you watch over him.

Until we meet someday in the heavens above .

With immense love,

The daughter in law you haven’t known.

Coffee Convo and Mum

It was a perfect winter evening for a steaming cup of coffee. And after much pleading my mum dispersed her classes a little early so as to be with me.

I guess it comes with the territory. If you are a teachers kid you know from early on that you’d have to share her with her students.

Especially since in my mums case, the boundary between the teacher and the mother are fairly grim. Shes been both to her class. Possibly the reason they adore her so much.

We were chatting and sipping away, she being content with the cuppa I made her (which is a rarity) ; When out of the blue she asks me what’s on my mind? (Mind reading, a mothers super power !)

There surely was something though. I had been intrigued by human behaviour lately and it had not stopped looming in my mind.

Me : Why is it we dont get the love we give to the world as easily as we give it?

Mum : Well , Because that’s how the world is.

But it’s the nature of love to just give.

It stops becoming love when you expect it back.

And if that’s the case child, then your love is just a favour.

That line hit me hard your love is just a favour. And I am still trying to wrap my head around these words.

Maybe that’s what makes her so altruistic in everything she does.

I decided then that the “Sans favour love” is something I’ll work on this year .

Each time I give away a piece of my heart I’l remind myself not to sulk if it’s not returned. And that vacant space it leaves behind, will just have to be plastered with some chocolate.

She disrupts my thoughts with “ you have added too much cinnamon in my coffee”

Trust a mother to shower you with selfless love and yet give you a B minus for your culinary skills.

To Bengaluru, With Love.

13 years to this day, since I set foot on the then dusty , rugged streets of Bengaluru to pursue my higher studies.

A shy , timid , introvert who was catapulted from her cocoon. While still wobbly and finding her ground, I was taken under the wings of this amazing city.

Can a place have the power to change you? In some other time I would have disagreed . But these streets taught me to stand firm , fight not just for myself but those around me too, to make mistakes, correct them , fumble but learn again. And subconsciously the amalgamation of every tiny experience here made a better person out of me.

My city, famous for its nonchalant crowd, fun loving culture, is a melting pot of communities. Each unique in their own way and I have had the utmost pleasure imbibing their traditions.

A myriad of memories collected over a decade here. Pub hopping on the ever happy MG road, shopping sprees at commercial street, “my love at first chai” moment at disney bakery BTM, gorging on Donne biryani ,the chaat hogging on eat street, shameless requests for one extra pani puri at puchka bhandars on HSR, weekend breakfasts at MTR, the early morning hikes to Nandi hill, the holiday getaways to Coorg, celebrating karnataka rajotsava with my kanadiga friends with as much fervour as them, getting stuck on silk board traffic enjoying all the chaos and laughing at all the live swearing sessions in the background, entertained by the artistic vibes at Atta Galatta ,trancing into the peaceful foliage of cubbon park, all the auto hunts and bargains with ‘auto annas’ before the ola era set in.

Precious moments , forever etched in my mind and even more special are the people I lived them with.

Every road I visited this time, spoke to me in the language of reminiscence . Whispering in monotones, asking me if I remembered them.
There were subtle changes though, the lanes were not the same as the ones I walked on previously, most of my usual favourite familiar places were replaced; and yet the pulse of the city was just the way it was the last time I felt it.

So , no matter where I am in the world , I would never forget the rhythm of that beating pulse because even though I am a Malayalee by origin I’ll always be a “Bengaluru hudgi” by heart

And each time I hit the lows in life I shall chant the mantra this place taught me “mast maja madi maga!”

Thank you for the memories Bengaluru.

Until we meet again.

Thoughts on the Go

Aren’t window seats the best?
You could stare into the vast expanse of the infinite sky..
as you float through thin air,
surrounded by cottony clouds ,
lost in thoughts, dreaming ; about the place you left and ,
the ones you are yet to see.
Watching the city that welcomes you below.. with their shimmery lights,
looking almost as if they could never have an ugly lane or an empty street.
From 35k ft everything seems beautiful , almost surreal ..
until you land into reality;
And most times.. that’s a tad bit bumpy .

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©Toothfairy,2019

Older,wiser…wider!

So, it was my birthday today !! And I have officially hit the fourth decade of life *drum rolls *

As the day quietly sails towards midnight I am left pondering over all my previous birthdays..right from teenage when I thought birthdays are ‘the’ big deal, contrary to a few years back when I realized that I was born into this amazing world to contribute to an already screwed up society, which would have continued doing a fine job with or without me; but either ways I am here now , so might as well dance along wile the party is still on.

How ironical is it that in your younger days it’s about the cake you cut, the parties you have, kind of gifts you get, the number of people who wish you, the birthday dress you don and as you get older you realize its not the things you “do” but the people you “do it with”!

It isn’t the ‘present’ you get but those that take the effort to be “present”. It is a blessing to have people who make time for you!

Its about the number of people who remember your birthday (without a face book reminder) and make that call / text to wish you! Now that’s going the extra mile, and as I hit the new phase, the only thing I want in my life are these kind of people; who go the extra mile for me..sans obligations, sans compulsion.

Just people who love and accept you for what you truly are. So here I am, a little ‘older’, a little ‘wider’ but a hell lot ‘wiser’!

On that note, Hello 30! Me and my glass of wine are all ready and waiting for you .

Diary of a Bride

One of my earliest memories of a wedding is that of my aunt crying at her “Bidai” and I wondered why?

Fast forward to 22 years from then..I was the next daughter of the family to tie the knot..and I soon found my answer to that “why” 🙂

Everyone who knows my family knows them to be hilarious, loving, extremely down to earth and ofcourse multilinguistic, all of these which I am blessed to have inherited. Being this family’s only daughter I agree to have been a pampered brat and a spoilt kid (even today!) much to the annoyance of all my brothers.

You don’t need a wedding to count your blessing but as I sat through one of my functions, soaking in the wedding atmosphere, watching my mum and dad amidst the wedding madness; I look on from a distance teary eyed realizing no one would love me more than they do and I will be forever thankful for this selfless love that makes them move mountains for us. When counting blessings, my grandfather being able to witness his granddaughters wedding was the biggest blessing of it all💛

I must be the luckiest niece in the world to have had the most loving uncles and aunts! My childhood growing up with them around are the best memories of my life💛

Happiness is when your family becomes friends and friends become family. In this regard I have truly been a happy bride in every sense of the word.

So yes, I cried like a baby..through all the functions…(shamelessly washing away my makeup artists hard work)

I realized no matter how long the hours or number of days I have spent with each person in the family..the time was never enough,never will be.

Yes, I will still be their lil girl.. pampered each time I’m home.. but a time does comes when you turn around and head to a new abode 🙂

Teary eyed (like my aunt) but immensely thankful for so much love in this lifetime.