A cup of emotions

Early mornings of board exam prep when mum would wake me up at 3 am leaving me with a steaming cup of tea beside.

No matter the stress I would enjoy that cup watching the moon outside my tiny window bit by bit bidding goodbye.

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forward to Hostel days when the mess would serve tea in steel mugs at sharp 5 pm and I would wake my girls from their siesta even the ones who dont drink tea so I could get their extra cup . Together we would hurry along with a parle g packet,

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Cut to now , My tea and I stand beside the window overlooking the horizon where the beach and the cityscape compete for the sky. The mind multi thinking over a hundred things simultaneously, yet when the cup hits my lip all the noises go mute..

One cup of innumerable memories. Tea is definitely an emotion.

Disheveled Dreams

I had a dream today..
One that wakes you with a smile.
I dreamt you were by my side ,
a hug away ,
Patting me back to sleep..
If I cried.

There is smell of dosas in the air
must be sunday indeed ,
Your favourite day of the week.
The only time you get me free , to do everything you need.

But as I wake up and call your name ,
empty walls word them back to me.
The distance from bed to the door took eons for me too tread.
Knowing too well what awaits me out there was dread.

This home, remains just as it were , since you left.
Clothes on the sofa, untouched,
afraid they wouldn’t be folded the way you did.
Them fridge magnets, that you loved to move , never again rearranged.
The tilted frame with our family photo, no steady hands to straighten them.

Everything seems coherent and yet feels… disheveled,
displaced,
like my life .. since you left.

I had a dream today ;
One that wakes you with a smile ,
And like all beautuful things
It too found an end.

The Hiatus

I sat listening to the sound of the drizzle,

a stray dog by my side.

Thinking about all that is to come,

and all that went by.

I wished in that moment ,

that time be still for a while.

Gazing at the star lit night ;

Wondering…

what binds me to you so tight.

The abstract art I’m so in love with,

the shades of whom shine bright .

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©Toothfairy,2019

30, Single, Happy!

“When are you tying the knot” a question that does the rounds when a girl hits 23 and increases in intensity from there on. But God forbid if you are 30 and still no hubby, all hell then breaks loose. I despise people with small ambitions like getting married and having babies.With time I hope that question gets rephrased by “Which university will you enrol in?”.

Yes..30 and single.

Does it bother you?

Could my independence scare you?

No, I don’t sway the other way.

But, even if I did

would it repulse you?

I am taking it by the day

waiting till I find the one

Not intending to settle

Nope.. do not ask me to ;

Why must I forage for a prince

When I mighty well guard the castles

I built.

So , wait I shall,

till our paths cross someday

I am 30,

single,

and happy until then.

Is that too much for you?

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©Toothfairy,2019

Coffee Convo and Mum

It was a perfect winter evening for a steaming cup of coffee. And after much pleading my mum dispersed her classes a little early so as to be with me.

I guess it comes with the territory. If you are a teachers kid you know from early on that you’d have to share her with her students.

Especially since in my mums case, the boundary between the teacher and the mother are fairly grim. Shes been both to her class. Possibly the reason they adore her so much.

We were chatting and sipping away, she being content with the cuppa I made her (which is a rarity) ; When out of the blue she asks me what’s on my mind? (Mind reading, a mothers super power !)

There surely was something though. I had been intrigued by human behaviour lately and it had not stopped looming in my mind.

Me : Why is it we dont get the love we give to the world as easily as we give it?

Mum : Well , Because that’s how the world is.

But it’s the nature of love to just give.

It stops becoming love when you expect it back.

And if that’s the case child, then your love is just a favour.

That line hit me hard your love is just a favour. And I am still trying to wrap my head around these words.

Maybe that’s what makes her so altruistic in everything she does.

I decided then that the “Sans favour love” is something I’ll work on this year .

Each time I give away a piece of my heart I’l remind myself not to sulk if it’s not returned. And that vacant space it leaves behind, will just have to be plastered with some chocolate.

She disrupts my thoughts with “ you have added too much cinnamon in my coffee”

Trust a mother to shower you with selfless love and yet give you a B minus for your culinary skills.

To Bengaluru, With Love.

13 years to this day, since I set foot on the then dusty , rugged streets of Bengaluru to pursue my higher studies.

A shy , timid , introvert who was catapulted from her cocoon. While still wobbly and finding her ground, I was taken under the wings of this amazing city.

Can a place have the power to change you? In some other time I would have disagreed . But these streets taught me to stand firm , fight not just for myself but those around me too, to make mistakes, correct them , fumble but learn again. And subconsciously the amalgamation of every tiny experience here made a better person out of me.

My city, famous for its nonchalant crowd, fun loving culture, is a melting pot of communities. Each unique in their own way and I have had the utmost pleasure imbibing their traditions.

A myriad of memories collected over a decade here. Pub hopping on the ever happy MG road, shopping sprees at commercial street, “my love at first chai” moment at disney bakery BTM, gorging on Donne biryani ,the chaat hogging on eat street, shameless requests for one extra pani puri at puchka bhandars on HSR, weekend breakfasts at MTR, the early morning hikes to Nandi hill, the holiday getaways to Coorg, celebrating karnataka rajotsava with my kanadiga friends with as much fervour as them, getting stuck on silk board traffic enjoying all the chaos and laughing at all the live swearing sessions in the background, entertained by the artistic vibes at Atta Galatta ,trancing into the peaceful foliage of cubbon park, all the auto hunts and bargains with ‘auto annas’ before the ola era set in.

Precious moments , forever etched in my mind and even more special are the people I lived them with.

Every road I visited this time, spoke to me in the language of reminiscence . Whispering in monotones, asking me if I remembered them.
There were subtle changes though, the lanes were not the same as the ones I walked on previously, most of my usual favourite familiar places were replaced; and yet the pulse of the city was just the way it was the last time I felt it.

So , no matter where I am in the world , I would never forget the rhythm of that beating pulse because even though I am a Malayalee by origin I’ll always be a “Bengaluru hudgi” by heart

And each time I hit the lows in life I shall chant the mantra this place taught me “mast maja madi maga!”

Thank you for the memories Bengaluru.

Until we meet again.

Older,wiser…wider!

So, it was my birthday today !! And I have officially hit the fourth decade of life *drum rolls *

As the day quietly sails towards midnight I am left pondering over all my previous birthdays..right from teenage when I thought birthdays are ‘the’ big deal, contrary to a few years back when I realized that I was born into this amazing world to contribute to an already screwed up society, which would have continued doing a fine job with or without me; but either ways I am here now , so might as well dance along wile the party is still on.

How ironical is it that in your younger days it’s about the cake you cut, the parties you have, kind of gifts you get, the number of people who wish you, the birthday dress you don and as you get older you realize its not the things you “do” but the people you “do it with”!

It isn’t the ‘present’ you get but those that take the effort to be “present”. It is a blessing to have people who make time for you!

Its about the number of people who remember your birthday (without a face book reminder) and make that call / text to wish you! Now that’s going the extra mile, and as I hit the new phase, the only thing I want in my life are these kind of people; who go the extra mile for me..sans obligations, sans compulsion.

Just people who love and accept you for what you truly are. So here I am, a little ‘older’, a little ‘wider’ but a hell lot ‘wiser’!

On that note, Hello 30! Me and my glass of wine are all ready and waiting for you .